Tejada's unscheduled "double birthday" adds insult to GM Wade's injury

Miguel Tejada is 33, not 31. We all know that now, thanks to his basically coerced confession.

ESPN and a team of lawyers got their hands on a copy of Tejada's birth certificate from the Dominican Republic and showed it to Tejada.

His confession, unsurprisingly, came shortly thereafter:

"I was a poor kid," Tejada said. "I wanted to sign a professional contract, and that was the only way to do it. I didn't want or mean to do anything wrong. At the time, I was two years older than they thought."

Must have been a relief to get that off of his chest. But whatever weight Tejada feels lifted is sitting squarely on the shoulders of Astros general manager Ed Wade. Wade pulled the trigger on a deal sending five players to Baltimore for Tejada, only to learn the next day that Tejada's name was among those listed in the Mitchell Report.

Oops. Talk about fortuitous timing. Think Wade could have gotten a better deal by waiting an extra day or two?

And now this, which in fairness to Wade, was probably unavoidable from a team standpoint. It's too bad people don't have some sort of objective indicator -- you know, like rings on trees -- that prove how old they are. Instead, it was taken as a given that Tejada was 31.

Wade gave his best poker face in addressing the issue:

“It was brought to our attention that the date we carry for Tejada, the year of birth, is incorrect,” Wade said. “We told Miguel we were going to go ahead and make the appropriate changes and all the information was put forward. But the fact of the matter is he’s playing like he was 25.”

True enough. Miggy is hitting .328 with 3 home runs and 11 RBI in the young season. But he's making $13 million this season and has a player option for another $13 million next season.

In his heart of hearts, you have to wonder if Wade is starting to hope that Tejada walks so that he can forget this deal ever happened.

How Tiger can use his "recovery" time

Tiger Woods "broke the news" on his Web site Tuesday that he'd had arthroscopic knee surgery, but there was something a little suspicious about the announcement and its timing. Woods did not seem to be favoring either leg at the Masters, and it wasn't his left knee that missed all of those birdie and par putts.

I'm not suggesting that Tiger didn't actually have the surgery, but just think about how convenient of an alibi it becomes for a disappointing finish. And think of all the things Woods could accomplish in a month-long hiatus in the middle of golf season:

Teach his daughter, Sam, to golf. She's almost 10 months old now, so she probably will be walking soon. Time to get her fitted for her own set of clubs, Dad. And while we're on the subject, if Sam becomes a great golfer 15 or 20 years down the road, will she be Tigress?

Work with Buick to create a branded car model. Gatorade already released a special, Tiger-branded line of drinks, including "Red Drive," "Cold Fusion," and "Quiet Storm." Buick should follow Gatorade's lead and release the Buick Roar, or something like that.

Go on vacation with his wife, Elin, somewhere far, far away from a golf course. Maybe Fiji. Then again, the paparazzi knows no bounds, and when they see him jogging along the beach, they'll know that the jig is up.

Start writing a book. If you're not a fan of golf, you may not know that Tiger has already written one book, an instructional piece artfully entitled How I play golf. It sold more than a million copies, but can you imagine how a memoir about his life so far would sell? The man is a legend in his own time. And the best part about writing books as a celebrity is that you don't even have to write it; in Terrell Owens' case, you may not have to read it, either!

Find a secluded putting green and start preparing for the U.S. Open. Putting is the weakest component of Tiger's game, and it more than likely cost him the Masters. I can just picture him now, working feverishly at a remote putting green somewhere, like a mad scientist searching for the magic elixir in his lab. The perfect stroke has to be in here somewhere!

We interrupt the conclusion of this baseball game to bring you NASCAR!

If you don't know how the Yankees-Red Sox game ended Saturday, you probably don't have access to cable television, internet, a newspaper, a library, friends, etc. But if all you have going for you is an antenna that beams FOX into your living room, Saturday evening was a disturbing time.

With two outs and two strikes in the top of the ninth, Boston leading 4-3, FOX interrupted this copyrighted telecast of Major League Baseball to show the Subway Fresh Fit 500. The network's agreement with NASCAR superseded any obligations it had to a tight finish between rivals, so it was off to the racetrack it went.

In fairness to FOX, even with Red Sox-Yankees game being delayed more than two hours, they were this close to being able to seamlessly double up. And in a further display of fairness, it should be revealed that the conclusion of the game was available on the cable channel FX.

But fairness aside, what is this world coming to? We're talking about the Red Sox and Yankees! NASCAR fans can afford to miss a lap or two, especially when they've got 498 more coming. But if you peal away at lap 499, some people out there in our nation (who don't have maps) are going to come unglued.

This had me pretty upset until I read that a FOX spokesperson had offered a heartfelt apology on behalf of the network: "For any frustration on fans' behalf, we apologize." Forgiven!