Joy to the World: Kobe Bryant is Happy!

In the wake of the release of the Mitchell Report -- and our shock and devastation that Roger Clemens was listed in it -- there is good news to be found in the sports world.

Kobe Bryant is happy.

"I'm happy to be here," Bryant said. "My guys and I -- we have such a tight bond. Business and basketball sometimes can cloud things, but when you get here in your element and you're around your teammates and just having a good time with them and thinking about them and not about the business of the game, that's when it becomes fun."

Translation: it's fun to win.

The Lakers are 13-8, good enough for second in the Pacific Division, and Bryant is finally getting the help he needs. Three other players (Odom, Fisher, and Bynum) are averaging in double figures, and two more (Radmanovic and Farmar) could get there with a single high-scoring game.

After all of the griping and whining and trade demands and complaining about teammates, Kobe is like a toddler who has finally gotten his way.

Kobe has a right to the pursuit of happiness, just like the rest of us. It's just that he thinks his right to happiness supersedes that of anyone around him. Seriously, when did he start giving a rip about his teammates, much less develop "such a tight bond" with any of them?

Enjoy this happiness while it lasts, Lakers fans, because if things start to sour, Bryant's true colors will shine again. And remember: when Kobe ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Kobe glad he wasn't traded; "happy" with Lakers (espn.com)

5 Players who won't be on the Mitchell Report

I don't know about you, but I'm waiting with bated breath for the release of the Mitchell Report. It's sort of like hot gossip from People Magazine, except for sports fans.

So while we wait, I figure we can play a little game: to anyone stopping by to read this, list five players who won't be included as steroid users on the Mitchell Report.


I'll go first; other than these guys, all bets are off for me.

1. David Eckstein - The owner of 30 home runs in seven Major League seasons, the X Factor is free of suspicion in my books. I mean, just look at the guy.
   


2. Scott Podesdnik - He's 6'0", 170 lbs soaking wet. He did go from 9 to 12 to 0 home runs from 2003-2005, but I just don't see this guy as a user. And if he was, Podsednik better hope his name isn't on the report, because that's going to make finding a job all that much tougher.
   


3. Jamie Moyer - If Paul Byrd found a need to use the Human Growth Hormone, I suppose even an old codger like Moyer can't be totally free from suspicion. But Moyer's been around long enough to know the harmful effects of steroids, and he's also got enough tricks up his sleeve to get by on wiles rather than a blazing fastball.
   


4. Sean Casey - At 6'4", 215 lbs, you'd think Casey would be a power hitter. The reality is, however, that he's a singles hitter. But if you added steroids to that frame, he'd have more than 130 career dingers on accident.
   
   
5. Barry Bonds - Pause... Not!

OK, there are my picks for who won't make the Mitchell Report. Now it's your turn!

The legend of Davy Crockett lives on

Move over, Davey Crockett, there's a new king of the Wild Frontier.

Crockett's great-great-great...etc., etc., grandson, who is five years old, killed himself a bear with a youth rifle.

We remember Davy Crockett from the old Disney show about his adventures in Tennessee and at the Alamo, and most of us went through a coon skin cap-wearing phases at one time or another.

But the best part about Davy Crockett is that he's got his own theme song, the Ballad of Davy Crockett.

It went a little something like this (emphasis added):

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,
Greenest state in the land of the free.
Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree,
Killed him a b'ar when he was only three.
Davy, Davy Crockett
King of the Wild Frontier

But back to the point. Crockett's descendant, a tike named Tre Merritt, shot and killed a 445 lb. black bear in Arkansas Sunday. His grandpa (not Davy) was with him, but the kid pulled the trigger, all by himself.

Just like Grandpa Crockett. Incredible.

5-year-old descendant of Davy Crockett kills bear (KATV/Little Rock, via ESPN)
The Ballad of Davy Crockett (Wikipedia)

See it Sharpton's way or lose the Olympics

Being disagreeable is what the Reverend Al Sharpton seems to do best. This time, though, you have to think he's fighting a losing battle.

In a war with Chicago mayor Richard Daley over police department reforms, Sharpton has threatened to withhold his support for the city's 2016 Olympic bid.

"The Olympics can be a point of leverage for people in this city that have not been able to get direct action by the city fathers," Sharpton said.

Hold on a second, Al. You're going to stop the Olympics from coming to Chicago if you don't get your way on this issue? That's like threatening to sever your allegiances to the Cubs: you're more than welcome to voice your own opinion, but good luck finding a following in Chicago.

If stirring controversy is what Sharpton does best, unintentional comic relief is a close second.

Sharpton urges police reforms (AP, via si.com)

Phil Simms on how to throw a football; Grab a pencil, Eli

Fourteen years into retirement, Phil Simms has mastered the art of throwing a football, and he's willing to help you learn it, too.

Make sure not to grip the ball too hard, he says, and try to use the combination of your arm and torso as a whip, rather than pushing the ball with only your arm.

Interesting stuff, and if you're brushing up for the big family game over the holidays, the information is available to you for a small fee by purchasing Simms' cleverly titled book, Phil Simms on Passing.

Or, if you've got the makings of a superstar, Simms might be willing to tutor you for free. Simms, who lives in New Jersey, has worked with several up-and-coming college quarterbacks in recent years.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like the quarterback who could use the most help right about now only looks like a college quarterback. Eli Manning, whose Giants managed to eke out another win Sunday afternoon, has been barely better than atrocious most of this season.

Simms was no Dan Marino or Joe Montana, but he was a Giant and he won a Super Bowl. If Simms were willing, New York might be wise to snag him as a quarterback coach for the struggling Manning.

Or at least bring him in for a free consultation.

How to throw like a pro (Wall Street Journal)