Lions and Vikings and Ravens, Oh My! The Best and Worst of NFL Mascots

I'm not really into breaking down the NFL division-by-division, team-by-team. It's too much work with too little reward.

Instead, I was thinking it would be appropriate to select the five best and five worst team mascots in the NFL. And by mascots, I don't mean the sweaty guy in the costume parading around the sidelines looking like an idiot.

A mascot is a animal, person, or thing that's supposed to symbolize the team. In the NFL, there are good, decent, bad, and terrible mascots. For the purposes of brevity, I'll stick with the good and the terrible.

Best Mascots

1. Lions - It's a pity that the king of the jungle finds itself near the bottom of the NFL food chain, but you can't fault the mascot.
   
   
2. Vikings - Say what you want about the long hair and the pony tails, but this is one dude I don't want to run into on an empty continent.
   


3. Bears - Chicago has been the Bears since 1922, when their name was changed from the Chicago Staleys in order to dovetail with the Cubs. Bet you didn't know that.
   
   
4. Raiders - Maybe it has something to do with the black eye patch, but the man on the Raiders' helmets is scary. Not that the mascot has helped in the last few years.
   
   
5. Chiefs - All of the fierceness and bravery of the Native American culture without the savage imagery associated with the Redskins, at least in my mind.
   
   Also receiving votes: Rams, Eagles, Patriots
   

Worst Mascots

1. Ravens - One of several bird mascots in the NFL, the Ravens are easily the worst. And depending on how you look at it, the bird even looks moderately friendly.
   


2. Titans - I'm not sure if Tennesee knew it at the time, but a Titan is actually a moon of Saturn. Perhaps the mascot refers instead to the figures of Greek mythology. Either way, this is a clear case of a mascot namer falling in love with alliteration.
   


3. Texans - Completely lacking in originality. Longhorns was already taken, so Houston adapted the logo and came up with Texans. Lame.
   
   
4. Chargers - You can thank Gerald Courtney, of Hollywood for this one. In 1960, he won a naming contest for Los Angeles's new football team in the AFL. His prize? An all expenses-paid trip to Mexico City and Acapulco.
   


5. Jets - New York has been around since 1960, back when we the aviation industry was still new and magical. It's still a great way to travel, but hardly an inspiring team mascot.
   
   Also receiving votes: Seahawks, Cardinals, Packers

Roddick's Best Simply Isn't Good Enough

Andy Roddick, with his booming serve and powerful forehand, is a good tennis player by any standard.

But greatness may be beyond his grasp.

Roddick, who was the only American man to survive into the quarters at the US Open, lost again to Roger Federer, 7-6, 7-6, 6-2. It was their 14th match, and the world's #1 has won 13. That's serious ownage.

Roddick and fellow American have some great matches against one another, and they can certainly hold their own against the rest of the world. But the two combined have won just one match in 19 against Federer, which is unacceptable.

This country needs a national tennis hero to expand its fanbase, but neither Blake nor Roddick fit the bill. The contrast between good and great was especially clear Wednesday night, when Roddick played some of his best tennis.

"I'm not walking with any questions in my head this time," Roddick told the New York Times. "I played the right way."

Roddick's service game may have been in top form, but Federer's return was better. Roddick may have been uninhibited in charging the net, but Federer was equally unafraid about passing him, winning half the points in which Roddick was the aggressor.

In short, Roddick was good, but Federer was great.

I'm Rodney Harrison, and I Need Some HGH

In ordering human growth hormone online, Patriots' safety Rodney Harrison used less disguise than he would in buying a new movie on eBay.

The Boston Globe reports Harrison used his own name when ordering HGH, making life easy on investigators. Bold or stupid -- probably a little of both -- Harrison is one of the first to get his hands caught in the cookie jar.

I suspect if a guy like Harrison is cheating, there will be many others just like him turning up throughout the next year or two. Football will face a steroid crisis like the one currently being experienced by Major League Baseball, and everyone will question the "integrity" of the game. You watch.

Henin, Small but Strong, Rolls over Serena

Clemson tennis coach Chuck Kriese used to say that "Power thrills but consistency kills."

That seemed to be the case Tuesday night when Justine Henin beat Serena Williams in the US Open quarterfinals. It was the third time that the pair had met in the quarterfinals of a Grand Slam event this year, and the third time that Henin had come out on top.

Henin is ranked #1 in in the world and is the tournament's top seed, but her mouse-like stature (church or field is unclear) often seems to put her at a disadvantage, especially when pitted against the bulk and brawn of Serena.

Add to that the sense that the Williams sisters can turn it on whenever it's convenient, and rankings and seedings can be thrown out the window.

But Henin shows that what she lacks in thigh and biceps measurements, she makes up for in heart, quickness, and endurance. After winning the first set in a tiebreaker (7-3), Henin steamrolled the listless Williams, 6-1 in the second set.

They say that only the strong survive, which I suppose is true in a major tennis tournament. That used to mean it would be either Serena or Venus Williams holding up the hardware on the second Sunday.

But Henin is redefining strong, and I think Serena would attest to that.

Rick Ankiel and a Fun Little 'What If?'

I keep having this thought.

In my imagination, the Cardinals have overtaken the Brewers and Cubs to win the NL Central. They are in the playoffs, but it doesn't matter in what round or who against.

St. Louis gets immersed in a long extra-inning game, you know, the kind where pitchers come into the game as pinch hitters.

As the game stretches into the early morning hours, Tony La Russa is forced to look down his bench. Now that the bullpen has been exhausted, he wonders who might be available to pitch.

He locks eyes with Ankiel. Forget an experimental knuckle ball, this guy used to be a pitching phenom.

Ankiel has secretly been waiting for this moment for years. He's found a niche as an outfielder, but Ankiel is a competitive man, and his present successes are brought into context by the painful memories of the past.

"I'll do it, Coach," he says, nodding.

In my dream scenario, Ankiel regains his old form, pitching a flawless inning or two for the victory. St. Louis then retrains Ankiel as a pitcher, and the 28-year-old goes on to become the first heavy-hitting, everyday-playing pitcher in a long, long time.

Rick Ankiel as the next Babe Ruth? It's doubtful, but it's certainly fun to imagine.

Mickelson Beats Tiger with His Own Coach

Phil Mickelson's strategy for keeping up with Tiger Woods -- if you can't beat him, hire his coach -- finally paid off this afternoon.

Five months after hiring Butch Harmon to teach him all of Tiger's tricks, Mickelson shot a five-under 66 to win the Deutsche Bank Championship and surge ahead in the FedEx Cup standings.

More importantly, Mickelson beat Woods in a head-to-head matchup. Since 2001, the two have been paired together five times in the final round of a tournament, but this is the first time Lefty has come out on top.

We all know there's some serious ownage, and Mickelson admitted as much after the victory.

"For 10 years I've struggled against Tiger," Mickelson said in an AP story. "This sure feels great to go head-to-head ... and over the last five or six holes when he's making a run, it was fun to match him with birdies."

Translation: I'm still in awe of Tiger and I don't know how I did this.

Mickelson deserves credit for being a great golfer, and the odds were strong that he'd come out on top against Tiger eventually. Let's see if second place is enough to convince Tiger to care about the FedEx Cup.