The Parody of Parity in College Football

The season of parity in college football continues.

Unranked Rutgers beat #2 University of South Florida Thursday night, an outcome that will shake up the rankings again and reposition USF closer to where it belongs, somewhere between 10th and 15th in the rankings.

While everyone is talking about how good this is for college football -- and it certainly has been fun to watch -- has anybody considered the possibility that there just aren't any great teams out there?

Only three of the preseason top 10 teams are left, and only LSU has remained there the entire season. Ohio State and Boston college are the only major unbeatens, though Kansas and Hawaii lurk on the periphery. And based on their strength of schedule ratings (the four programs have a combined three wins over ranked teams), it's hard to get real excited about any of those teams.

Either the press and the coaches have done a terrible job of assessing talent all season long, or things have started to even out in college football. No longer are there one or two bullies at the top with everyone else scurrying for the scraps; no, any team can beat any other team on any given Saturday (or Thursday night).

But is that because the once-second tier programs have elevated their games, ramped up their recruiting, and brought in coaches that "know how to win"? Or could it be that it's an off year for the big name programs, the USCs, the Floridas, and the Michigans of the world?

Call it parity if you want, but I suspect mediocrity may be a better descriptor. Either way, I can guarantee you that no one will be happy with how the BCS computers sort things out at the end.

Maybe, just maybe, this will be the season that sets the wheels in motion for a playoff system.

Is it a Sport: Bowling?

Bowling is one of those activities everyone thinks they're good at.

It looks so easy on TV, and when you think about it, how hard can it be to knock down a few hapless blocks of wood with what amounts to a lethal weapon?

But when you finally get around to hitting the lanes for your nephew's birthday party, you remember that bowling is pretty dang tough. It can be embarrassing, really, although it usually makes for some good laughs.

But I digress. What we're really trying to decide here is whether bowling is a sport.

Why Bowling might be considered a sport

Let's start with the customary "it's on ESPN" argument. The four-letter generally stays within the vicinity of real sports coverage, although ESPN2 is less credible and that's usually where you find bowling.

Bowling is also competitive and has objective standards for excellence: an average in the mid-200s with an occasional 300 is nothing to snub your nose at.

And finally, there's that heavy ball, which is presumably the reason bowlers wear those sexy wrist guards. When it comes to bowling, threat of carpal tunnel is a serious occupational hazard.

Why Bowling might not be considered a sport

By my definition (you can review the original What is a Sport? debate, if you'd like), an activity has to involve competition and require physical fitness for excellence to be considered a sport.

No argument for criteria #1.

The physical fitness element, however, I have a problem with. A particular bowler may be in tip-top shape, and the activity itself may even be considered a workout. But you would have a hard time convincing me that a physically fit bowler has a leg up on the competition.

Rolling a 12-lb. ball does require a modicum of strength, but more strength or even incredible stamina does not equal more closed frames.

Final Ruling: Bowling is not a sport

Percent certainty: 100 (incidentally, that's about my average score. Yep, that's how I roll.)

Say Goodbye to the Billion Dollar Smile

Enjoy that smile while it lasts, Tiger fans.

Tiger Woods willing be rolling out his own product line of Gatorade drinks, starting with "Gatorade Tiger" in March of 2008. The deal, which the AP reports may be upwards of $100 million, pushes Tiger's net earnings in endorsements alone close to $1 billion dollars.

The man is practically Oprah.

While the endorsement comes as good news for Woods' piggy bank, it might not be good for his teeth -- or yours.

A study released this spring showed that drinking Gatorade eats away at your teeth faster than Coke. So if "Gatorade has been part of my game plan for years," as Woods said in an official statement Monday, we may see a toothless grin when Tiger wins his record-breaking 19th major in 2019.

Which, of course, will open the way to a whole new line of product endorsements for Woods, such as dentures. "Are they in you?"

Coming Back to All on the Field...

I've gotten more interest and comments in my Is it a Sport? posts than probably all of the rest of them combined. I'm not sure if that's a reflection on my writing or my readers!

You've inquired about bowling and bullriding (and maybe others -- I forget), I've been wanting to write about golf and lumberjacking, and I'm open to suggestions on any others.

At any rate, after taking a little time off of the subject, I'm ready to pursue the debates with full vigor. If all goes according to plan, I'll tackle a new sport every Thursday.

And for the anonymous commenter today on table tennis, if you're willing to make the distinction between ping pong and table tennis, I'm willing to grant that table tennis is a sport. See, your opinions do count!

A Year Late and a Euro Short: Pereiro Claims 2006 Yellow Jersey

Sometimes when people say justice has been served, it really hasn't.

Take, for example, the story of Oscar Pereiro. You all know him as the 2006 Tour de France winner, of course.

What? You've never heard of him?

In an anti-climactic and nearly unpublicized ceremony held in Madrid yesterday, the Tour ceded to Pereiro the yellow jersey that had belonged to Floyd Landis, at least until he was declared a cheater on multiple occasions. Now that the jersey is in Pereiro's rightful possession, some would say justice has been served.

It hasn't.

Pereiro will never be able to celebrate among throngs of fans on the Champs Elysees. He will never be able to bask in the cheers of the crowds as he raises his hands in triumph. And most likely, Pereiro will never become the international celebrity he might have had he won the Tour fair and square in the first place.

Winner by default just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Anticipating Backlash from the Mitchell Report

The New England Patriots won the duel in Dallas, the parity in college football is starting to get ridiculous, and Dusty Baker is in as the Cincinnati Reds' new manager.

The Colorado Rockies are on the verge of their first World Series berth and the Indians and Red Sox look to be in a dogfight to take the AL spot.

But the biggest story of the weekend, in my opinion, managed to fly under the radar. The Mitchell Report, which is going through one last proofread and compiling its sources for the works cited, is about to released.

When the report does comes out -- sometime after the Rockies win the World Series and before we kick off the election year -- names will be named. We're talking to you, Jason Grimsley.

But seriously, a source privy to the information told ESPN that it's going to be "huge when these names come out." I'm not pointing any fingers here, but some of the big names that come to mind are Miguel Tejada, Frank Thomas, Sammy Sosa and David Ortiz. If any or all of those were outed for steroids, I'd call that a "huge story."

Besides a shock wave causing a collective gasp among owners and fans (the players already know all this stuff), what would be the ramifications? I'm thinking they will be three-fold.

First, fans will respond in righteous indignation, because that's what we do. We will call for records to be wiped from the books, asterisks added, and players we don't like anymore (Sosa) banned from the game. As if we had no reason to suspect anything when they were launching 65 homers in an "average" year.

Second, owners will respond in righteous indignation, because there are big dollars at stake. Sure, there were big dollars flowing into their pockets when home runs were flying out of the parks and fans were swarming into them. But that won't be discussed. Owners were deceived, tricked, and they would like their contracts -- and signing bonuses, mind you, now that we've set a precedent with Michael Vick -- back in their own wallets, where it rightfully belongs.

Finally, regardless of the protests of Scott Boras, the owners will use this news as a bargaining chip to drive player salaries down. Agents and the Players Union will fight this tooth and nail, of course, but what recourse do they have when every player becomes a suspect (and many have been proven guilty) of past or present steroid use?

Did I miss anything?