Tough Day at the Office for Phillip Wellman

I can just imagine the conversation over dinner at Phillip Wellman's house last night.

Wellman, a minor league manager in the Atlanta Braves' organization, made headlines today with his that could envy that of any two year old. Check out the Youtube video here, if you like.

"Well, honey, how was the game tonight?" Mrs. Wellman asks.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

"Good."

"I'll be in the newspaper tomorrow."

"That's fantastic, did the lefty-lefty matchup pay off for you again?"

"It did, but that's not what people will be talking about tomorrow." At this point Wellman runs his hands through his hair and sighs. "I got ejected."

"For arguing balls and strikes? You didn't yell at the poor umpire, did you?" By now, Mrs. Wellman's eyes are wide.

"Well there was that, and a minor hand grenade incident." Mrs. Wellman's head jerks up, and Phillip Wellman is nodding smiling with that I can't believe it either smile.

Tirades like this are fun to watch. Baseball is the only sport that I know of that a coach can make a complete fool of himself for an extended period of time. (I suppose there was the whole Bobby Knight chair-throwing thing, but rules and generalizations don't apply to that guy.)

From the manager's side of things, it must feel really good to cover home plate with dirt, or throw the resin bag as if it were a hand grenade. But when he cools down a little bit, I can imagine he'll look back and wish he'd handled it differently.

You know that feeling you get when you've done said something mean or done something idiotic, and a wave of regret washes over you like acid rain? I'm guessing Phillip Wellman feels that times ten right about now.

Squeeze Play: Spelling Bee, Kobe-Buss Feud, Billy Donovan, and Stray-Rod

There are certain days when the sports world erupts with interesting, funny, and ridiculous news items.

Today is one of those days.

So instead of choosing just one story to focus on -- or trying to crank out a complete blog post on each one of these items -- I'm going to create a new type of post called the Squeeze Play. Basically, it's an all-you-can-eat buffet of sports news and commentary.


The World Watches with B-O-R-E-D-O-M

If an ESPN news story about the national spelling bee doesn't make it as SI's This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what will.

I'm all for spelling, and I'm half embarrassed to confess that I won the school spelling bee three times as a kid. What I have a problem with is perpetuating any notion that spelling is anything like a sport.

It's bad enough for these kids that most of us own dictionaries and spell checking programs. Should someone remind them that knowing how to spell "sagittal" is an utterly useless piece of information?

Oh, and by the way, the favorite to win this year's spelling bee was eliminated. Gasp!


Billy Donovan goes to Disneyland

The Orlando Magic has hired former University of Florida coach Billy Donovan.

No big surprise here, given Donovan's recent track record and the promise of $27.5 million. But with the well-documented struggles other college coaches have faced transitioning to the NBA, is this a risk worth taking?

Only time will tell if this is a good career move for Donovan, but for the moment, his wallet is telling him yes.


Kobe: Start the Buss and Put Me on It!

Kobe has gone public with his frustrations with Jerry Buss the Lakers, and it can only get uglier from here. Yesterday he said he wanted to be traded, only to retract that statement later in the day.

If this was a normal franchise player vs. franchise feud, I'd say that trading him is exactly what should happen. Zach at Sportszilla suggested that Chicago might be a good trading partner for Bryant.

When the dust settles, though, the complications involved in trading a player of Bryant's stature and personality will keep him in Los Angeles. For better or worse, he and the Lakers appear to be stuck with one another.


A-Rod's Banner Day

First, A-Rod makes front page news without so much as donning a baseball jersey. He was photographed Sunday with a woman who was not his wife, and the two were seen socializing together in ways that his wife probably wouldn't approve of.

And if his young daughter happens to see that newspaper, he'll definitely have some 'splainin to do. The New York Post copy editors hit the nail on the head with their "Stray-Rod" caption.

Then, A-Rod helps the Yankees win by calling off third-baseman Howie Clark on a routine popup. Clark backed away because he thought a teammate had been the one to yell, and the ball dropped in for an unusual single.

Needless to say, the Blue Jays weren't too happy about it, especially since the play allowed New York to pad its lead and win the game.

Alex Rodriguez is in desperate need of some positive PR right about now. I was going to say that he should leave the country, but I heard Toronto isn't interested.

Clemens to Board Yankees' Sinking Ship

Remember John Kerry's 2004 campaign slogan, "Help is on the Way!"?

It's laughable to assume that the war in Iraq would have taken a different course if Kerry had been elected, even with his three Purple Hearts. We're between a rock and a hard place over there, and Kerry would have had as difficult a time as anyone extricating the troops.

But rest assured, this post is not intended to be political.

A New York Times article written yesterday alludes to the possibility that, though the Yankees have called in their strongest reinforcement to assist in the attack on Boston, it may be too late to matter.

The Yankees are 13.5 games out and that's the least of their problems: they've got management issues, Jason Giambi is speaking out about steroids, and it seems like there's always something brewing with A-Rod.

There's plenty of baseball left, of course, but neither Roger Clemens nor any other pitcher is good enough to fix the sinking ship that is the Yankees.

And I'm feeling pretty good about that.

Federer: French for "Something Left to Prove"

Roger Federer is undoubtedly the greatest tennis player of his generation. With 10 Grand Slam championships and over $30 million in prize money, who would argue?

But if he wants to go down as the greatest of all time, I hope he's hungry. Because he's not there yet.

Like in other sports, it's a little difficult to use statistics to determine greatness in tennis. Andy Roddick hits a faster serve than anyone in history, but his equipment also beats the crap out of those wood sticks players used to use.

So we move to the next criteria, which is championships.

In team sports, this is still a tough call, because some players are part of a great supporting cast. Bill Russell was part of a Celtics dynasty that won 11 championships, but I'm not prepared to call him the greatest basketball player of all time.

Because tennis is an individual sport, judging greatness by championships is easier, but not as easy as you might think.

In his first seven Grand Slam victories, Federer triumphed over exactly one all-time great, and that an aging Andre Agassi in 2005. The others were a parade of pretty good players (Marat Safin, Mark Philippoussis and Lleyton Hewitt) that your kids will never hear about, and a very talented one that practically worships the ground Federer walks on (Roddick).

And then came Rafael Nadal.

After reeling off seven career Grand Slams outside of France, Federer first reached the French Open finals in 2006. Thanks to Nadal, that spring also marked Federer's first loss in a Grand Slam final.

And while Federer edged Nadal in the Wimbledon final a month later, Federer looked like the one with something to prove.

You see, Nadal is a player unlike any other that Federer had faced before 2006: he's fast, strong, and creative, not to mention gutsy. Nadal wants it, and he's not afraid to take it from Federer or anyone else.

So while others may measure greatness strictly by the number of championships won, in my books there's a deeper level of complexity. To be the greatest of all time, you have to have an archenemy, a nemesis. And you have to beat him. Think Michael and Magic, Schilling versus the Yankees.

Rafael has done his part in history just by showing up. And if Roger Federer wants to go down as the greatest tennis player of all time, the next two weeks at Roland Garros would be a great time and place to do his.