It's late August, 2017. The Yankees are in the thick of a pennant race with a surging Tampa Bay Devil Rays team, led by all-stars Delmon Young and B.J. Upton.
New York, meanwhile, is hanging on to the lead by the hairs on Phil Hughes' chinny-chin-chin.
With a month of baseball to play and the Devil Rays inching closer seemingly every day, the Boss knows what he has to do. He picks up the phone and dials 1-800-BID-HERE.
That's the new number for Roger Clemens' agent, Randy Hendricks. His phone has been ringing off the hook this season with teams entering the bidding war for Clemens, but so far no team has come up with a contract short and sweet enough.
Steinbrenner is desperate and out of options.
"You've reached the Rocket's launching pad, how may I help you?" Hendricks chirps.
"Um, yeah. This is the Boss," Steinbrenner mutters back.
"Bruce Springsteen?"
"Very funny. What's the asking price?"
"$100 million, prorated of course." Hendricks' reply tumbles out almost before Steinbrenner's question. "And then there are the clauses to talk about."
"So that works out to... about $17 million for this last month of the season. That's steep, but we need him. Besides the home visits between starts and a guaranteed roster spot for Kobe, any other stipulations Santa Clause needs to wear pinstripes?"
"There is one thing, and it involves one of Roger's endorsement deals."
"OK, what is it?"
"He needs to wear a Levitra patch on his right sleeve: This Rocket Launch powered by Levitra."
The Boss is disgusted ("That's too much information," he tells Hendricks), but he agrees to the terms anyway.
Postscript: The Yankees went on to win the World Series over the Brewers that season, with Clemens pitching a stellar Game 1. He could hardly describe the joy he felt as he watched the clinching Game 4 victory with his friends and family from his home in Houston. Maybe this time, retirement would finally be for good.
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3 comments:
Roger is a unique talent and that is hard to find these days. There are few people with thighs as thick as his for starters!! That's worth at least 12 million in ticket sales! :) We will be able to witness his greatness for one more year at least and hopefully he'll get some more run support this year. Do i think that he has taken hoodwinked the desperate Boss? Certainly, but the deep pockets will be plumbed a little deeper for the Rocketman once again. Speaking of Rocketman, I need to listen to that!! Hopefully reality will sink in sooner rather than later that pitchers are certainly not worth the cash that is being doled out for them!
Very nice. Wish I had written it.
Kent, thanks for the comment. "I need to listen to that!!" That cracks me up.
Chris, thanks. I always appreciate you reading the blog and any comments you have to offer.
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